Posted by on June 14, 2016

IMG_3026Audio Poem Version here.

YouTube Video Poem here.

{a Poem for my queer & trans loves and for Pulse}
“They Will Never”

by Sofia Rose Smith

The clouds are grey and I see a red City Sight Seeing bus taking tourists to Hollywood. It’s June 13, 2016 and yesterday 50 gay Black & Latinx men, women and genderqueer people were killed in a blood bath at Pulse.

Just behind the City Sight Seeing bus I see a big trucker truck and another one after that and then I turn my head to the right and two 15-year-old brown boys with Jamba Juice at their mouths cross the street, they’re friends. I make sure my foot’s pressed hard on my brake so that I don’t roll forward, so that they can cross the street in front of me without getting killed.
Without getting killed.
Without getting killed.
They could be gay. Maybe they’re not. It doesn’t matter.

And then it’s my turn to drive again and my car rattles and squeaks as I zoom to therapy, to couples counseling, as I zoom to that place that holds me and my partner, my love, to just BE and to be witnessed, to be whole, to not have to be any which way. The gay bar was once that place for me. And I can’t help it but I think about all the straight people who haven’t reached out in the last 24 hours to just say I Love You. The friends I know love me but haven’t texted or messaged or called. And I think about the texts that woke me up yesterday around 9am on a Sunday. My mama saying, “Hi honey! Did you hear the news about what happened in Florida?” return, another text “So sad about it. Worried about you. Are you going to Gay Pride today?”

So I know something bad happened. And I know it has something to do with gay people. And I text her back “I didn’t hear” period. “No I’m not going to Pride” period.

Taking a breath in.

Thinking about my grandmother I haven’t spoken to in 2 plus years cuz she can’t handle my queerness and my magic, cuz she can’t handle my ME.

Take another breath.

Then I realize we are tall purple flowers in a sea of yellow dandelions. We can’t always see our own brilliance and yet we are Genius. We can’t always see ourselves as purple, but as we grow older we know ourselves to be purple and we know everyone else to be yellow. And it’s okay. And yet they try to cut us down and yet they try to make us yellow but we’re purple. And we’re fish and we swim in an ocean that’s connected to all the queer healers and geniuses of the past, and we’re luminaries, and we’re connected to all the magic of the future. And we’re brilliant. We’re from the past, the deep past, the pre-Atlantis, the Lumerians, a time of being neither male nor female but both, a time of speaking not with our words but with our feelings, a time of telepathy, and communicating through intuition beyond the mind. We knew each other just from looking. We knew our feelings just from seeing. And the world wants to make us yellow. And even though I love yellow, I’m not yellow, I’m purple. And so are you. And I love you.

And they will never
they will never
they will never never never never never
They will never never never never
They will never
They will never kill us
They will never never never
They will never never never never never never never never never never never never never never never
They will never
Squelch us
Away
From our purple
And away from our
Luminous luminary brilliance
I love you.

Comments

  1. Reba Linker
    June 15, 2016

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    BEAUTIFUL, Sofia purple Rose Smith. So sad about what happened.

    • Sofia Rose Smith
      June 29, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      <3 Same. We are all healing. Feeling much better as the weeks go on. We are powerful beyond measure. <3 Thank you for reading, Reba. <3

  2. Andrea
    June 15, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Thank you for finding the words so many of us can’t. Thank you for sharing luminous luminary brilliance.

  3. Mihaela Lica Butler
    June 16, 2016

    Leave a Reply

    Touching words, beautiful metaphors, conveying a message of peace and understanding. Loved it, Sofia Rose!

    • Sofia Rose Smith
      June 29, 2016

      Leave a Reply

      Thank you, love. <3 Was such a grief-filled time for me. Poetry always helps me move through grief to healing. <3 Love to you <3

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