Seven months ago, I walked away from a career I once loved and was thriving in.
A career that came about on a whim — a move to LA in the middle of a recession that had me digging deep into the metropolis to find a gig that would suit me, pay me, and that ideally, I would grow in.
For a month or two, I scoured the internet and my pool of adult contacts in the great town of tinsel my family raised me away from. (I grew up about 45 miles from Hollywood – the ‘other’ valley – the Inland Empire so unlike David Lynch’s imagination – tree-lined streets and strip malls at the base of Mt. Baldy).
But that’s all backstory.
I was in LA, and it was new to me.
Sure, my grandmother was raised in Boyle Heights, and my great-grandparents migrated here (and worked as Extras in several Hollywood flicks) back in the DAY (like, the 1930’s). But LA has never been a place I cared to know. In any case, I feel at home here now. I feel at home with the blue and brown skies; the cracked cement; the delicious food; the distances; the anonymity; the weird celebrity culture; the always sunny literally always (but, we still have seasons, I tell you!); the Ocean; the mountains; the secrets. I fell in love with this city and the kind of world I get to have in it.
So when I landed a job at a pretty cool non-profit where I got to hang out with queer & trans kids all day, I was pretty stoked.
I was more than stoked. I was fucking on fire with the luck of my life. I was in love with the universe’s love for me. I was smiling ear to ear, happy like falling in love, just won the lottery kinda stoked.
I was the luckiest kid I knew. And I KNEW it. I knew how blessed I was to get to do what I got to do. To have an income and health insurance and a place to go to make connections with justice-based movers & shakers. To get to honor and discuss gender & sexuality all day every day. To get to gather in community and play and be creative and travel to conferences and go on field trips and politicize myself even more. To get to bear witness to the god-damn earth-shattering brilliance and beauty of the queer & trans youth that let me know them every day. I was in love with all of it.
And I was rocking it. I was building new frameworks and programs. Shifting points of view in my org. Securing money to get staff trained in sustainability practices. Winning awards for facilitation. Getting raises. Being a general rockstar.
It was great. Until, it just wasn’t anymore.
You know how that happens?
Until all the little things started piling up. The drama. The weird shit that happens.
Until I got disconnected from myself, my intuition, my creativity.
Until I just wasn’t happy anymore and I didn’t know how the hell to GET happy, to be happy, to feel like myself again.
Even writing this, my loves — I almost don’t feel permission to write it.
I almost don’t feel permission because I was so privileged to get to do what I did and I was so happy for so long that all the silencing and trauma that also existed in this place — well it’s hard to feel like I can mention it.
This isn’t a blog post about what happened. It’s not about monsters. It’s not even about the sneaky, subtle, direct and indirect ways that oppression manifests itself (even in the most well-meaning humans and orgs of the world).
It’s also not about how trauma in my life and in my workplace became like a cloud of anxiety I woke to daily. A place in me that had no breath and not a lot of tools that got me beyond coping. It’s not about how lonely and dark some of those moments were for me, and my friends, my therapist, and my partner.
It’s about how I found tools that got me out of that place.
Tools that got me back to THRIVING.
It’s about how I found myself again.
These Two Gems:
In the depth of despair, in the darkness of being lost, in the wilderness of who the fuck am I, what the fuck do I do, how do I make money, how do I leave a job I love that’s killing me, how do I make it and be me and figure out what I love —- in those Shadow lands of death & dying that would lead me to re-birth —- I needed some powerful medicine.
I needed some kind of miracle.
And I found it.
Or, it found me.
It came through the mouths of one my queer babies, in fact. A little crystal worshipper who would riff with me about Spirit & God(dess) & Magic all the time.
He told me about a psychic.
I know, really? Really? But yes, really.
I was desperate.
He let me know that one of our semi-famous, definitely esteemed Spiritual mentors said this psychic was the Real Deal (Her name is Karen Hager, if you’re interested). So I scheduled a session with her.
I won’t bore you with the deets – but it knocked my socks off. It reminded me of my artistry. It summoned the Priestess of me. It got me GOING. It got me CONNECTED to earth & self & purpose & magic again.
A year later, I was in a Psychic Intensive training with this same Intuitive Guide.
Every day, I sat and tuned in with myself. Every day I connected with my Guides. Every day I prayed. Every day I asked questions and was given answers. My intuitive gifts were strong and they were getting stronger and before I knew it, my own Greatness was beckoning to me.
I began to write. And draw. And write some more.
I started writing a Book. (& got hella support from my own writing coach, Minal Hajratwala!)
I started planning my travel adventures. I began to say YES to ME all over my life (and saying YES to my fiance, who I started planning a wedding ceremony with!). I began to say YES to me and No to that which didn’t serve me.
I let my Intuition be my Opening to my Creative Life, my Dreams, my Power.
I let myself write and I especially loved writing in groups.
I loved the practice of writing TOGETHER, and then of sharing and listening to the MAGIC pour from the mouths of new friends and loved ones.
It fed me.
It was my medicine.
My secret weapons to get unstuck:
Intuition + Creative Flow
A year has passed and here I am writing this blog post at Bricks & Scones cafe, like all the LA people I was always so jealous of before.
Here I am DOING that thing I WANTED to do.
Today, when people ask me what I do, I answer:
You know how so many people feel creatively blocked? Well, I help them move through the blocks to get back to their creativity and intuition and JOY.
I’m a Creativity Coach & Intuitive Guide because the practice of Daily Devotional Tuning In & Creativity SAVED my life.
I want to help you and you and you. And your cousin who used to dance but doesn’t anymore. And your mom-in-law who loves to cook but doesn’t paint anymore. And your boss who’s writing a memoir. And your co-worker who doesn’t write anymore but used to. And your best friend who’s having a hard time and needs some support. I am here for you.
I’m also so excited to be offering my first online writing course, Spirit Poems, which begins Tuesday, Oct 6, 2015! I’m thrilled to be combining intuition & spirit with the magic of writing.
I’d love to have you join our space. Visit http://thepoetpriestess.com/writing/ to register.
You can also email me to set up a FREE one-to-one consultation. I’d love to support you in getting back to YOU.
Lots of love,